Therapy
by Last Call 4 Sin
Summary: Someone is going to Therapy ...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Why are you here today?"

"Well... me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately..."

"When did the fighting start?"

I don't want to answer this... its too painful. But I'll answer anyway, knowing that this is the reason I'm here... half of it. "Ever since... my son was taken away."

The psychiatrist looks up from her clipboard and eyes me. "Why did your son get taken away?"

I look to the floor at my shoes, ashamed of the reason "They said I was a bad mother."

"Who?"

I take in another breath, trying hard to answer these irrational questions. "My boyfriend."

"Do you think you were?"

I exhale slowly, trying to come up with the right answer "I don't think I was a terrible mother... I tried. I loved my son more than anything..."

The psychiatrist nods and continues to question me "So... when you fight with your boyfriend, what kind of words are exchanged?"

I think back to our last fight, where he said I couldn't do anything right... let alone keep a son. "We fight about a lot of things now... stupid things. Just the other night we fought over the laundry, and then the fight went on the subject of my son, and how I couldn't keep him with us."

"Why don't you leave him?"

I think about that question for a moment, and ask myself why. Then the answer is always the same "Because I love him... and I'm ... I'm afraid to."

The psychiatrist raises an eyebrow and looks at me "Afraid?"

I nod "I don't want to be alone... I feel like I'll do something if I'm alone."

"Like what?"

"Kill myself." The truth is, I've thought about doing that, even if I am with him.

The psychiatrist nods and writes some more things on her clipboard. I wonder what she's writing about me. Probably that I'm depressed. Its not like I haven't heard it before. The psychiatrist resumes to her questioning.

"So how's work life? I understand that you work at an ER?"

I nod "Yes... its hard sometimes, but I make it through. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going. My friends."

"Do you talk to your friends about your home life?"

I shake my head "I don't want them to know. I don't want anyone to know."

"Well I don't know what to tell you Miss Taggart. You just have to learn to make it past this as a couple. I think you should both come in here tomorrow."

I shake my head "I can't do that."

The psychiatrist eyes me, "And why not?"

I breathe in deeply "Because … he doesn't know I've been coming here."

I take in another deep breath. "And … I'm pregnant with another man."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"We made some real progress yesterday." 

I nod and look around the room. One wall was completely covered by awards. 'What a way to intimidate you.'

"So Miss Taggart, you told me yesterday that you were pregnant with someone else's baby. Does anyone know?"

I shake my head "I haven't told the father yet. I work with him, so its kind of hard to find the right time."

The psychiatrist nods "Does your boyfriend know?"

I stare at her as if she's crazy "Yeah that would be a sure way to smooth things over between us. I'll just tell him that I'm pregnant with another mans baby."

"Okay, okay... I get your point. Does this other man know that you are in a relationship?"

"Yeah... I didn't mean to sleep with him. I was just caught up in the moment... I had a fight with Greg that morning, about who knows what. The whole day I felt that it was going to be my last. I couldn't concentrate at work. He noticed and asked if I wanted to talk. Me being desperate said yes. We went back to his place and..."

"Sit down." Sam went over to the couch and sat down. "Thanks Luka... you didn't have to do this. I mean... you know."

Luka went over and sat down next to Sam and placed a hand on her knee "Its easy to tell that you have something on your mind. You've been out of it all day. I heard the nurses talking about how worried they were about you and I started to notice that I should have been worried too."

Sam looked up at him "What do you mean you should be worried too?"

Luka sighed "I ... I don't know. You look depressed. I know that ever since Alex was taken away things haven't been great between you and..."

Sam helps him out "Greg."

Luka continues "Right Greg. But I noticed today that there's more going on. Have you guys been okay?"

Sam shakes her head and puts her hand on the arm of the chair "No... We haven't been okay for a long time. All we do is fight. He blames me for Alex being taken away and I can't help but think he's right."

Tears start to well up in Sam's eyes and Luka stared into Sam's eyes earnestly, "You're not to blame Sam, do you hear me?" Sam just stared at him as a tear made its way down her cheek. Luka put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug. "You deserve better." He said gently.

They broke apart and looked into each other's eyes for a long time. Both Sam and Luka move in closer, and their lips touch lightly at first, and then the kiss deepened.

"I don't know... I guess I felt that if I kissed him, it would take everything away. But it didn't take anything away, it only made things harder."

The psychiatrist looks at me sympathetically. "What are you going to do?"

I rub my eyes and sigh, "I don't know... I really like Luka. I don't want to hurt him. But I do need to tell him I'm pregnant. I haven't seen him in work because he took a few days off for vacation, so that helped a lot. But what do I do when he comes back?"

She looks at me expectantly. "Do you think you could fall in love with this man?"

I nod "Yes... I think I could."

"Then you know what you have to do."

"Yeah... I don't know how to do it though. I don't want to break his heart by telling him this, I also don't want to make him angry."

"What are you going to do if he doesn't take the news well?"

I sigh. What can I do? "I ... I'll leave."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Is Luka's back from his vacation?"

I shake my head "No. It's a good thing. I've been talking to him though."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." I'm smiling. Why am I smiling?

"You seem happy whenever you talk about Luka." 

"Yeah... I guess I am …"

"I'm glad to hear that. How's your home life lately?"

My smile goes away. The truth is, its been worse then ever. "Terrible. I've been sleeping on the couch for the past three days. I've also been throwing up a lot lately. I don't know if it's from the pregnancy or the fact that I know its over between me and Greg." 

"Oh? Why do you think its over?"

"Because I cheated on him! I can't be with him if I cheated on him. What kind of person would I be? He's a good man... and I did a horrible thing."

"Why do you still refer to him as a 'good man'?"

God she can really get under my skin. "Because he is... in his own way. He has his moments, but don't we all? I mean we all aren't perfect, and neither is he."

"Okay." She writes more stuff on her clipboard. "So have you talked to anyone about this besides me?"

"No okay. How many times to I have to tell you this?"

"Okay... Is there something more you have to tell me?"

"I've been thinking whether or not to tell Luka... and…"

"And?"

"And I don't think I should. I should just say its Greg's. Even if we haven't slept together in weeks."

The psychiatrist looks at me "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

No, of course not. "I don't know... I don't want to hurt Luka. He's such a good guy and I love him, but I don't think I should tell him."

"You love him?"

I do? "... I guess I do..."

A buzzer goes off "Perfect timing... Well times up. Same time tomorrow?"

I sigh "Yeah…"

Sam rushed into work with a second to spare. 'Another day...'

Without watching where she was going, she bumped right into Luka who was coming off his shift. "Oh sorry... I wasn't looking where I was going."

Luka smiled and grabbed on to her arms to keep her from falling. "Nah I wasn't either..."

Both stood silent for several long seconds. Finally, Luka broke the silence by asking "So... how've you been."

Sam stood and nodded "I've been okay. How bout you?"

Luka looked at her while she stared at the floor. "I've been good... Sorry I haven't called you. I just thought you'd want some space... you know... to figure things out."

Sam looked up at him. "Figure what out?" Sam asked, and Luka looked at her, confused.

Sam shook her head slightly, knowing then why he was giving her space. "I'm not going to break up with him Luka... I love him."

Luka grew even more confused "What? How can you still be with him after the way he treats you? " Luka shook his head. "I thought you were stronger then that."

Sam sighed 'I did too.' Luka then left her standing there, to start a long enduring shift.

"So how are you today?" said the psychiatrist.

"I'm confused..."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"I said something today... that I didn't mean. And left something else out..."

"Let me guess... this has to do with Luka?"

I nod. Of course it does. "Yeah."

"He came back today from vacation?"

"Yeah, I ran into him on the way into work. We talked and he said something about giving me space to figure things out. Without even thinking I said, that I loved Greg and that I wasn't going to break up with him..."

My psychiatrist nods and writes more things down in her notebook.

I stare at that notebook. Trying to use a hidden power to see through it, but it failed. "You know... Can you not write things down today?"

The psychiatrist looks up from her notebook, "What? Why?"

I take a deep breath in "I just feel a little self conscious when I know your writing things about me in there. Can we just talk?"

The psychiatrist nods and understands "Sure. What do you want to talk about?"

"Why I said I was still in love with Greg." Why did I say that? I'm not in love with him... not anymore.

"Okay... maybe you do love him."

"I don't!" I yell. I can't help it. Whenever people tell me what I'm thinking I fight back. Impulse.

"Okay, okay. You did love him though right?"

I nod "Yeah... I did. I don't want to be with him anymore... he just... being with him hurts …"

The psychiatrist looks at me confused "Hurts you how?"

"It's killing me knowing that I can be with someone who loves me … someone who I'm going to have a child with. I can have it all … but then again, I can't. I don't deserve it after what I did. I hurt to many people. Screwed up too many lives."

She nods. I know she's just itching to write this stuff down, but she kept her promise to talk. "How did you screw up other peoples lives?"

How did I not? I take in a deep breath, going down the list in my head over how many lives were shattered because of me. "There's Greg's, Luka's … Alex's…" It hurts to say that name, but I do.

"That wasn't your fault Sam."

How can she say that? "Whatever" I say as the timer goes off marking the end of today's session.


End file.
